God is

speaking to me, when I choose to listen. I needed to add the later because of my humanness, and my propensity to sin which still causes me pain in my life. As much as I have accepted the fact that I am human, that God waits every day for me to stick out my hand out and ask in prayer for Him to steer my life; I still don’t like the way I act within my relationships.

My new life with God, through Christ, is an amazing gift, that of itself is truly a miracle. God teaches me that my new life is relational, not isolated and self-absorbed. That doesn’t mean that I listen! Paul’s words ring in my ear when he cried that in his heart he wanted to do the right things in Christ’s image, but he continued to mess up. This gives me hope that I too can accept my humanness as a sinner, repent my sins, and continually turn my will and life over to God’s care and control.

Giving up control is one of the hardest challenges I face each day. This is the oxymoron of all times: I know, believe, and trust that God will never forsake me, that He will steer my paths straight, and He loves me unconditionally… Cool! However, when it comes to certain areas of my life I refuse to relinquish control and essentially, negate my trust and faith if God. That really hurts admitting that because I want to live in His image in all areas of my life by turning the control over to God, doing the footwork, and stop doubting His will for me.  So why am I so afraid to turn over these last few areas of my life to Him? Let’s look at them…

Two particular areas of my life are in conflict: relational and financial. These two cause me grief on a regular basis as I am continually acting on what ‘I” believe and not what “God” wants me to learn and grow from. So why is it that intellectually I can recognize the problem, know the fix (surrender to God’s will), and still resist surrendering the outcome to God? I guess the simple answer is that I chose to live in fear, instead of faith.

One thing that has come to mind is that fear vs. faith isn’t black & white where it’s all on, or all off. I truly do surrender most parts of my life to God on a daily basis, and reap the wonderful rewards He teaches me. There are definitely areas as mentioned above that I need to continue with prayer, asking for God’s love and grace as I learn to trust enough to have the faith needed to change my ways. Hebrews 11 comes to mind “Now faith is assurance of things hoped for, and the conviction of things not seen.” The second part is what I must not forget, as I learn to accept my humanness, with all its shortcomings, and find that conviction for the things not yet seen.

So I thank Saul from Tarsus for becoming Paul the great evangelist, for his honesty in sharing his struggles in the flesh, even though his soul was fully in Christ. He went from a murderer to an apostle. From hating and persecuting the very people that he became in Christ. Paul was ‘real,’ real in the sense that he didn’t have a problem admitting his wrongs, repenting his sins, and  accepting Christ as his Savior. Paul also had relational problems with other apostles such as Peter. His heart believed that what he felt was God’s will, but then along came another apostle in Christ’s heart that had a different opinion. We all have our own perspectives on day-to-day issues, and that’s what I need to accept. Not who’s right, and who’s wrong. If it fits in God’s plan, it must be right…

When I grow up, I want to be just like him….